I'm just saying. Is it THAT hard to understand? I mean, honestly.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Monday, November 4, 2013
Just Checking In!
Hey y'all! I'm just poppin' by to check in!
I hope someone is enjoying the posts, poetry and all! :p
I plan on having a few more things up in the next day or so, depending on how crazy things are over here on my side of the screen.
Stay Tuned!
I hope someone is enjoying the posts, poetry and all! :p
I plan on having a few more things up in the next day or so, depending on how crazy things are over here on my side of the screen.
Stay Tuned!
Friday, November 1, 2013
On the Razor's Edge
the struggles of yesterdays resurface
and i feel my pain cut into my wrists
a beautiful relapse of what used to be
a wonderful memory of whats lost
i try to take it through shallow
but it digs in so deep
that the blood flowing from me
radiates this constant defeat
the crimson wall blocks me
from the release that i should seek
but this accidenatl relapse
just holds the forbidden fruit
with such a sweet allure
i can't resist such shattered beauty
such denied pain that feels so good
i close my eyes in sweet agony
the iron taste in my mouth
from biting my lip in effort to remain silent
i watch the blood drip from the blades edge
and smile in a hazy satisfaction
i am reprieved temporarily of the insane pain
and before it hits again
i draw a symbol, a little line
this isn't attempt of suicide
or a cry for help
standing here on the razors edge
its more of a whisper for love
and i feel my pain cut into my wrists
a beautiful relapse of what used to be
a wonderful memory of whats lost
i try to take it through shallow
but it digs in so deep
that the blood flowing from me
radiates this constant defeat
the crimson wall blocks me
from the release that i should seek
but this accidenatl relapse
just holds the forbidden fruit
with such a sweet allure
i can't resist such shattered beauty
such denied pain that feels so good
i close my eyes in sweet agony
the iron taste in my mouth
from biting my lip in effort to remain silent
i watch the blood drip from the blades edge
and smile in a hazy satisfaction
i am reprieved temporarily of the insane pain
and before it hits again
i draw a symbol, a little line
this isn't attempt of suicide
or a cry for help
standing here on the razors edge
its more of a whisper for love
Welcome to Auschwitz
Children cry in the dead of night
screaming for solace
As their mothers try to tell them it’s alright
as they are told to hush, be quiet
The silence is broken by their pain
and filled with tears and moans
Saturated with their unveiled shame
crying silently for what they were denied
The corpses already litter the ground
Those of who cannot take the expectations inflicted upon us
The ashes of the weak and old can be found
Burned for being unable to pull the Nazi's weight
We stare into eyes so hard and cold and cruel
So unfeeling, unrelenting
I have to wonder, can we get through?
But we have no choice, we have to try
My father sighs, then shuffles forward
Slowly, trying to bide his time
As if he knows he’s moving towards
The end of his life
Closer to an untimely death that can not be helped
That cannot, will not be prevented
I never thought I would go through hell
At such a young and innocent age
We stand in line, naked and shivering
With nothing but our pride to cover us
All these people surrounding me
Standing straight, some hunched in silent defeat, the first to die
And the wind biting into my arms and legs and neck
Stinging against my bare body, making me cringe
Burning my skin, making me regret
My life, my existence, my very being
Ever being born into this world
Being exposed to this brutality I do not deserve
And as the events around me unfurl
Slowly unraveling in front of my very eyes
I can see all these lives destroyed, fragile and shattered
Forgotten like they are of no importance
As if these peoples, these hearts didn't matter
Nor their souls, their families and friends
Like our accomplishments meant nothing to them
Like WE meant nothing
As if we're just a game, a nuisance to them
An unwanted burden
And a marking on my arm, branding me forever
Striping me of my identity
So if I DO survive I will remember forever
And never be free of the monstrosity we are subjected to
Remember the screams, the fear, and the chills
The crying of the poor innocents with no chance
Of standing at the foot of this hill
In a silent line
And seeing that child thrown into a burning flame
Melting its skin away like paper
As though this were a sick, cruel game
With rules we do not know
Where we are the victim, the prey, and the unwilling opponents
And they are the experts
And it's common knowledge we don't have a single chance
To win the battle, nonetheless the war
And by eliminating those you deem 'unworthy' those who are different
Those who do not meet your standards
You can win the prize; take the path of least resistance
The one for the 'greater good'
A joke that held no humor for those of a certain type
Those like us with no laughter
It was all a ploy to decide what is 'right'
And what deserves to exist
As the master is a dictator, someone with all the power
Who makes all the rules?
And when the clock strikes the final hour
And the sun goes down for the last time
It is he who will own our fate
Call our destinies
He who will create the days
And he who shall be the night
And mold the lives the strong will lead
And end that of the weak
Leaving nothing of what used to be
And the remains from what I loved
And the memories in my mind all begin to fade
To decorate in small pieces
As my long, horror filled days
Stretch and turn for the worse
Turn to months of fear and terror, ultimately numbness
That renders me unfeeling and impassioned
A sort of feeling that makes it possible to have known this
Couldn’t possibly become any worse
More and more people die, falling all around me
To the ground in saddened, dies-spirited heaps
And yet hope in the future I still cannot see
I still cannot decipher
My life is in their hands, they get to be God
Holding the knowledge of my ultimate demise
And never before did not knowing ever seem so hard
And being me such an imposition
Hated for who I am, rejected for what I’m not
And forced to pay for my blood in my blood
Told to forget everything that I was ever taught
To forget everything that I ever was
The eyes of my fellows grow cold and detached; as I’m sure do mine
When you look into their empty depths
And we have lost all track of time
And do not wish to know how much longer we must endure
We fight for food, killing those who used to be neighbors, or even close friends
For a small scrap of dry, molded bread
Because it's all for ourselves in the end
For the end is all there is now
Every man for himself, only the strong shall survive this war
Is what we are constantly told
And those who cannot will exist nevermore
To be forgotten in the aftermath
I’m dying now, at the tender age of 19
A mere child who has seen nothing, known nothing
And nobody in the world will ever miss the likes of me
Never notice the missing link
There is a voice, but it continues to grow weak
So unstable and weary
It’s been days since I was able to speak
Doing so drains my energy
So now I’m tired, and am ready to give up
To sapped of all will to continue
But all around me, there are people who put up enough
Who try hard enough, forcing enough
Of a fight to keep living, to try and make it through
The hell we call life now
Even if putting off the inevitable is all they manage to do
All they can accomplish, its more than I
They can continue to breathe and hope and dream
To say it will be alright
Trying to make it all seem
To make it honestly appear
Like its ok, it will end soon
To be a terrifying memory
But if it was, I would be too
Able to live, and move on
And now on the brink of death
On the edge of surrender
As I take my very last breath
Ragged and shallow
I sigh, knowing this hell is over and done with
That it can continue no more for me
Welcome to Auschwitz
screaming for solace
As their mothers try to tell them it’s alright
as they are told to hush, be quiet
The silence is broken by their pain
and filled with tears and moans
Saturated with their unveiled shame
crying silently for what they were denied
The corpses already litter the ground
Those of who cannot take the expectations inflicted upon us
The ashes of the weak and old can be found
Burned for being unable to pull the Nazi's weight
We stare into eyes so hard and cold and cruel
So unfeeling, unrelenting
I have to wonder, can we get through?
But we have no choice, we have to try
My father sighs, then shuffles forward
Slowly, trying to bide his time
As if he knows he’s moving towards
The end of his life
Closer to an untimely death that can not be helped
That cannot, will not be prevented
I never thought I would go through hell
At such a young and innocent age
We stand in line, naked and shivering
With nothing but our pride to cover us
All these people surrounding me
Standing straight, some hunched in silent defeat, the first to die
And the wind biting into my arms and legs and neck
Stinging against my bare body, making me cringe
Burning my skin, making me regret
My life, my existence, my very being
Ever being born into this world
Being exposed to this brutality I do not deserve
And as the events around me unfurl
Slowly unraveling in front of my very eyes
I can see all these lives destroyed, fragile and shattered
Forgotten like they are of no importance
As if these peoples, these hearts didn't matter
Nor their souls, their families and friends
Like our accomplishments meant nothing to them
Like WE meant nothing
As if we're just a game, a nuisance to them
An unwanted burden
And a marking on my arm, branding me forever
Striping me of my identity
So if I DO survive I will remember forever
And never be free of the monstrosity we are subjected to
Remember the screams, the fear, and the chills
The crying of the poor innocents with no chance
Of standing at the foot of this hill
In a silent line
And seeing that child thrown into a burning flame
Melting its skin away like paper
As though this were a sick, cruel game
With rules we do not know
Where we are the victim, the prey, and the unwilling opponents
And they are the experts
And it's common knowledge we don't have a single chance
To win the battle, nonetheless the war
And by eliminating those you deem 'unworthy' those who are different
Those who do not meet your standards
You can win the prize; take the path of least resistance
The one for the 'greater good'
A joke that held no humor for those of a certain type
Those like us with no laughter
It was all a ploy to decide what is 'right'
And what deserves to exist
As the master is a dictator, someone with all the power
Who makes all the rules?
And when the clock strikes the final hour
And the sun goes down for the last time
It is he who will own our fate
Call our destinies
He who will create the days
And he who shall be the night
And mold the lives the strong will lead
And end that of the weak
Leaving nothing of what used to be
And the remains from what I loved
And the memories in my mind all begin to fade
To decorate in small pieces
As my long, horror filled days
Stretch and turn for the worse
Turn to months of fear and terror, ultimately numbness
That renders me unfeeling and impassioned
A sort of feeling that makes it possible to have known this
Couldn’t possibly become any worse
More and more people die, falling all around me
To the ground in saddened, dies-spirited heaps
And yet hope in the future I still cannot see
I still cannot decipher
My life is in their hands, they get to be God
Holding the knowledge of my ultimate demise
And never before did not knowing ever seem so hard
And being me such an imposition
Hated for who I am, rejected for what I’m not
And forced to pay for my blood in my blood
Told to forget everything that I was ever taught
To forget everything that I ever was
The eyes of my fellows grow cold and detached; as I’m sure do mine
When you look into their empty depths
And we have lost all track of time
And do not wish to know how much longer we must endure
We fight for food, killing those who used to be neighbors, or even close friends
For a small scrap of dry, molded bread
Because it's all for ourselves in the end
For the end is all there is now
Every man for himself, only the strong shall survive this war
Is what we are constantly told
And those who cannot will exist nevermore
To be forgotten in the aftermath
I’m dying now, at the tender age of 19
A mere child who has seen nothing, known nothing
And nobody in the world will ever miss the likes of me
Never notice the missing link
There is a voice, but it continues to grow weak
So unstable and weary
It’s been days since I was able to speak
Doing so drains my energy
So now I’m tired, and am ready to give up
To sapped of all will to continue
But all around me, there are people who put up enough
Who try hard enough, forcing enough
Of a fight to keep living, to try and make it through
The hell we call life now
Even if putting off the inevitable is all they manage to do
All they can accomplish, its more than I
They can continue to breathe and hope and dream
To say it will be alright
Trying to make it all seem
To make it honestly appear
Like its ok, it will end soon
To be a terrifying memory
But if it was, I would be too
Able to live, and move on
And now on the brink of death
On the edge of surrender
As I take my very last breath
Ragged and shallow
I sigh, knowing this hell is over and done with
That it can continue no more for me
Welcome to Auschwitz
A Lost Ball of Helium
like a lost thought
or a tear dropped in the ocean
i'm flying free of these boundaries
ready for the great unknown
i don't think i'll hit the stars
but i might go away so far
that i can never find my way back
it's a chance i will gladly take
this risk of self-induced solitaire
just rising out of your sight
out of your thoughts, a forgotten memory
of what you let go
willingly, or cause i was tugged away
i will blend in with the area surrounding me
shrinking into nothingness
until i disappear forever
but do not fear
look up one day: you just might see me in the distance
floating above you
you will look at me with a vague familiarity and longing
but im gone, no longer yours
or a tear dropped in the ocean
i'm flying free of these boundaries
ready for the great unknown
i don't think i'll hit the stars
but i might go away so far
that i can never find my way back
it's a chance i will gladly take
this risk of self-induced solitaire
just rising out of your sight
out of your thoughts, a forgotten memory
of what you let go
willingly, or cause i was tugged away
i will blend in with the area surrounding me
shrinking into nothingness
until i disappear forever
but do not fear
look up one day: you just might see me in the distance
floating above you
you will look at me with a vague familiarity and longing
but im gone, no longer yours
Flawed Perfection
she sits by the ocean side
with a sketchbook by her side
and charcoal behind her ear
thinking quietly with no one near
she looks at the jewels dancing in the sea
and sees an image so heavenly
that she picks up her book and draws a line
so dark, so ragged, yet so fine
for days she returns to this spot
and adds to what she has got
a crooked curve, a narrow dip
resting her elbow on her hip
she concentrates, she erases and screams
nothing is as easy as it seems
she adds a little, detracts a little
shades something in the middle
after weeks of watching the sunset
she thinks her work is perfect
she staps back, to enjot the view
what she sees she never knew
instead of the beauty she saw
she has an image flawed
that it brings her to her knees
she tried so her best to make the sea
but the lines on her pad
turned so sharply, looked so bad
but when she looked again
she merely saw flawed perfection
with a sketchbook by her side
and charcoal behind her ear
thinking quietly with no one near
she looks at the jewels dancing in the sea
and sees an image so heavenly
that she picks up her book and draws a line
so dark, so ragged, yet so fine
for days she returns to this spot
and adds to what she has got
a crooked curve, a narrow dip
resting her elbow on her hip
she concentrates, she erases and screams
nothing is as easy as it seems
she adds a little, detracts a little
shades something in the middle
after weeks of watching the sunset
she thinks her work is perfect
she staps back, to enjot the view
what she sees she never knew
instead of the beauty she saw
she has an image flawed
that it brings her to her knees
she tried so her best to make the sea
but the lines on her pad
turned so sharply, looked so bad
but when she looked again
she merely saw flawed perfection
Cutter's Lullaby
Go to sleep and close your teary eyes
Never again wake to see the night
Hush little girl don't you dare cry
Sit back and enjoy your final night
Here we are once again
All alone with no friends
They let you bleed and said not a word
Not really knowing how depression hurts
A Cutters' Lullaby
Screaming in your ear
All the things you hate to hear
The names the accusations and suggestions
Suffering from hard learned lessons
Can anybody hear you now?
Your mouth is open, tihnk you are screaming so loud
But a sound doesnt escape your pretty lips
And you just let the knife slip
A Cutters' Lullaby
Can anyone see her here?
Down on her knees and the end so near
Invisible in such a crowded place
Eyes just sliding over her tear streaked place
Under the shadow of the steeple
Passed by the forgiven people
Holding the razor so close, and in her hand her final letter
All these people who never even met her
A Cutters' Lullaby
I sit here with nothing to hold on to
But this blade and you want to take that away too
I am alone and I have nowhere to turn
How many lessons must I be forced to learn?
And in the dead silence on the night
I hear the sounds of my own distant cries
Singing a tune noone else seems to know
And its one I wish I never had to know
A Cutters' Lullaby
Never again wake to see the night
Hush little girl don't you dare cry
Sit back and enjoy your final night
Here we are once again
All alone with no friends
They let you bleed and said not a word
Not really knowing how depression hurts
A Cutters' Lullaby
Screaming in your ear
All the things you hate to hear
The names the accusations and suggestions
Suffering from hard learned lessons
Can anybody hear you now?
Your mouth is open, tihnk you are screaming so loud
But a sound doesnt escape your pretty lips
And you just let the knife slip
A Cutters' Lullaby
Can anyone see her here?
Down on her knees and the end so near
Invisible in such a crowded place
Eyes just sliding over her tear streaked place
Under the shadow of the steeple
Passed by the forgiven people
Holding the razor so close, and in her hand her final letter
All these people who never even met her
A Cutters' Lullaby
I sit here with nothing to hold on to
But this blade and you want to take that away too
I am alone and I have nowhere to turn
How many lessons must I be forced to learn?
And in the dead silence on the night
I hear the sounds of my own distant cries
Singing a tune noone else seems to know
And its one I wish I never had to know
A Cutters' Lullaby
Cry
look at this girl, isnt she beautiful?
don’t her eyes capture your soul
making you feel warm and full
who’d guess she was so cold
look at those lovely lips
smiling so sweet
and with a young innocent
who would ever see?
she laughs so softly
a tinkling note of merriment
everybody laughs along you see
cause they dont know she doesnt mean it
behind those captivating eyes
is pain and tears
she keeps welled up inside
mixed in with all her suppressed fears
they all think she’s beautiful
she seems so confident on the outside
but this girl in my mirror
all she does is cry…..
don’t her eyes capture your soul
making you feel warm and full
who’d guess she was so cold
look at those lovely lips
smiling so sweet
and with a young innocent
who would ever see?
she laughs so softly
a tinkling note of merriment
everybody laughs along you see
cause they dont know she doesnt mean it
behind those captivating eyes
is pain and tears
she keeps welled up inside
mixed in with all her suppressed fears
they all think she’s beautiful
she seems so confident on the outside
but this girl in my mirror
all she does is cry…..
In Another's Eyes
In another's eyes, you were never given a chance to try
No one ever took the time to see into your eyes
And see where you've been, and who you are today
They all lived in the reputation of what others had to say
All they knew is the way you used to be
They never took time to know you like you were with me
All the playfulness and love, all the tenderness and care
For some reason everyone else thought it wasn't there
In another's eyes, you were meant to die
There was no one on Earth who would ever give you a try
And so now you're no longer here, now there's no more you
I didn't know what else I would be able to do
I sat and scratched your ear, I watched your breathing cease
I cried silently as I betrayed your trust in me
You looked to me to protect you, like I promised I would
I'm so sorry baby, there's nothing more I could do
Man's best-friend, you've finally been given up
In another's eyes, you just weren't deserving of a chance to love
And so now there is nothing in my heart, but this sadness and pain
I'm so sorry boy, maybe we'll see each other again someday
So when it was said and done, and there was no looking back
I silently in my head tried to fight the cold hard facts
It seemed as though I was looking through another's eyes unsure of what to do
So I just leaned down, kissed you one last time, and said I'd miss you, reminded you I loved you
And even though you were never really mine, and though you are gone
In my mind and in my heart, you will always be my number one dog
No one ever took the time to see into your eyes
And see where you've been, and who you are today
They all lived in the reputation of what others had to say
All they knew is the way you used to be
They never took time to know you like you were with me
All the playfulness and love, all the tenderness and care
For some reason everyone else thought it wasn't there
In another's eyes, you were meant to die
There was no one on Earth who would ever give you a try
And so now you're no longer here, now there's no more you
I didn't know what else I would be able to do
I sat and scratched your ear, I watched your breathing cease
I cried silently as I betrayed your trust in me
You looked to me to protect you, like I promised I would
I'm so sorry baby, there's nothing more I could do
Man's best-friend, you've finally been given up
In another's eyes, you just weren't deserving of a chance to love
And so now there is nothing in my heart, but this sadness and pain
I'm so sorry boy, maybe we'll see each other again someday
So when it was said and done, and there was no looking back
I silently in my head tried to fight the cold hard facts
It seemed as though I was looking through another's eyes unsure of what to do
So I just leaned down, kissed you one last time, and said I'd miss you, reminded you I loved you
And even though you were never really mine, and though you are gone
In my mind and in my heart, you will always be my number one dog
Think of You
I know it might sound silly, and I know no one else quite gets it,
But sometimes I wonder about you, even though I don't wanna fix it.
You cross my mind at the oddest times, your voice I can still hear
There are times when I swear it feels like you are still here.
Don't get me wrong I don't want to go back to how things used to be again
Why would I want to pick things up when we left off at the end?
There are places that I go that sometimes the hurt takes me by surprise,
I look at my favorite brown shirt and suddenly I'm looking in your eyes.
All my friends would think I'm crazy, they wouldn't get what I mean
When I say I move on, but I can't let go of the memories.
I keep forgetting, and then something makes me remember and wonder,
At one point your voice was my soundtrack, your smile was my summer.
I'll hear a joke and it throws me back in time,
And then I'll hear your laughter mixing in with mine.
I guess it's only natural to remember what used to be,
But it seems so strange because now you don't mean anything.
When they ask what's on my mind, it seems like I always lie;
I know they wouldn't get the fact that sometimes memories know where to hide,
Until they seem to be forgotten and then they hit me like a bullet out of nowhere
I can bury you and forget you, I already have it just ain't fair.
I'm glad we're over, I don't regret walking away and I never have,
There hasn't been a second I truly ever looked back.
I know it sounds silly, and I know no one else quite gets it,
But sometimes I wonder about you, even though I don't wanna fix it.
But sometimes I wonder about you, even though I don't wanna fix it.
You cross my mind at the oddest times, your voice I can still hear
There are times when I swear it feels like you are still here.
Don't get me wrong I don't want to go back to how things used to be again
Why would I want to pick things up when we left off at the end?
There are places that I go that sometimes the hurt takes me by surprise,
I look at my favorite brown shirt and suddenly I'm looking in your eyes.
All my friends would think I'm crazy, they wouldn't get what I mean
When I say I move on, but I can't let go of the memories.
I keep forgetting, and then something makes me remember and wonder,
At one point your voice was my soundtrack, your smile was my summer.
I'll hear a joke and it throws me back in time,
And then I'll hear your laughter mixing in with mine.
I guess it's only natural to remember what used to be,
But it seems so strange because now you don't mean anything.
When they ask what's on my mind, it seems like I always lie;
I know they wouldn't get the fact that sometimes memories know where to hide,
Until they seem to be forgotten and then they hit me like a bullet out of nowhere
I can bury you and forget you, I already have it just ain't fair.
I'm glad we're over, I don't regret walking away and I never have,
There hasn't been a second I truly ever looked back.
I know it sounds silly, and I know no one else quite gets it,
But sometimes I wonder about you, even though I don't wanna fix it.
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